Do you think that
just because I'm not some little attention whore
that this is all there is to me?
Do you think that
just because I care about my future
that I can never have any fun?
Do you think that I never have any fun?
OH dear.
Oh dear me.
I
cannot
believe
how
many
people
u n d e r e s t i m a t e
me.
I'll admit it.
I love it when I do things and people are amazed because they could never picture me doing such a thing.
BUT
these people are amazed
Because
they
Gave Me A Chance .
they gave me the hill and told me to climb
they let me be me.
I hate
when you keep secrets from me
and 'forget' the whole story
because you think
I'd dissaprove.
I am awesome.
You'll see.
IF
you don't
underestimate
me.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
CW Ten Minute Play (For Tien)
Diamonds
****Did not feel like re-adding the italics and whatnot******
[We first see a man and a woman sitting at a small table at an outdoor café being helped by a waitress. A similar table with two chairs set up around it stands next to the couple’s table. A young woman enters the stage and hurriedly takes the seat closest to the couple at the empty table. She takes a bottle of hand sanitizer out of her purse. The waitress walks over as she is applying it to her hands.]
JUDY
[Takes a silverware set out of her apron and sets it on the table, along with a small menu. She is smiling brightly and talks in a chipper voice.]
Good afternoon M’am! Can I get you anything to-
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Um, excuse me, so sorry to interrupt, but um, did this [holds up silverware set] just come out of your pocket?
JUDY
Why, yes it did! Now, can I start you off with -
[Again cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Well Miss, I-I don’t think I like the way your café conducts it’s eating utensil transportation system. The Health Department will be notified! But, at the moment, I am waiting for my date. We shall need another set of silverware. Could you please, for his sake, bring a fork, knife, and spoon fresh from the dishwasher? Thank you.
JUDY
[The smile has faded from her face. She stares dumbly at ROSE for a few seconds. She flashes her smile before talking again in her chipper voice.]
Of course M’am! No problem! Now, what can I get you to drink?
ROSE
Um, I’ll just have a glass of filtered water. And please make sure that it is a clean glass with only water in it. I don’t trust ice cubes.
JUDY
[Writing on note pad]
One water.
ROSE
Filtered.
JUDY
One water filtered. Okay! I’ll be back in just a moment!
[The man and the woman at the next table have been chatting inaudibly to each other during the previous events. Their conversation becomes audible as the waitress walks away.]
GEORGE
Oh, Wendy, you are absolutely the most perfectly perfect, beautifully beautiful, kindest little person I have ever met! I love you, Wendy.
WENDY
Oh, George!
ROSE
[Turns around and cuts into GEORGE and WENDY’S conversation.]
Um, excuse me. I really hate to interrupt, but, I-I think this might be a little more of a romantic situation if you used correct grammar, sir.
WENDY
[Snobbishly]
Uh, I’m sorry, but we don’t -
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Perfectly perfect? Beautifully beautiful? Kindest little person? I’m sorry but that is all wrong. Why don’t you try saying something like, ‘My dearest Wendy. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are very kind. You are also very short. I love you.’ See? Correct grammar is lovely grammar.
[GEORGE is about to speak but is interrupted as JUDY returns with a glass of water and a silverware set, which she places on the table.]
JUDY
There you go, darling! Now, you said you had a date coming, right? Would you like me to come back once he gets here?
ROSE
[As she arranges the things on the table into a perfect table setting]
Oh yes, yes of course. But, um, Miss? Fix your hair. There’s just one odd strand by your left eye…
JUDY
[Feels her hair, which looks completely normal, but brushes her forehead anyways]
Oh, thanks. I’ll be back!
[JUDY leaves as GEORGE and WENDY’S conversation becomes audible once again.]
WENDY
My day? Oh goodness, it felt like forever! You know that new girl at my work, Jenny or something? I don’t know, I wouldn’t even bother learning her name with the way she’s been doing things here. She’ll be gone in like, two weeks at this rate.
GEORGE
Oh, okay. Go on.
WENDY
So anyways, today she was all like, [Changes her voice to an imitation] ‘Oh my gosh you guys, my boyfriend just texted me, and he’s gonna like, take me out for dinner! But I got to wait for him to text back because his boss was coming and he’s so not supposed to text at work! Isn’t that cute?’
GEORGE
Really.
WENDY
Yeah. So everyone’s just like, not liking her, so I went to her desk and her phone was just sitting right there, you know? So I just picked it up and -
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute! Did you just say that you stole her phone? Why would you do such a thing?
WENDY
[Annoyed]
Listen, lady, I don’t even know you! My boyfriend doesn’t either so could you just, like, I don’t know, leave us alone?
ROSE
[Gasps]
You dare to raise your voice at me? Some people are just extremely annoying! I’ll have you know that stealing is against the law, and shouting in a public place is against the rules of etiquette! Humph!
[Just then, JIM enters the stage and hurries to ROSE’S table. JIM hugs ROSE, then proceeds to take his seat. GEORGE and WENDY resume talking inaudibly]
JIM
Rose! My sweet! How have you been today?
ROSE
Oh my goodness, Jim, you would not believe the nerve of some people! I mean, can you believe that our waitress tried to give me a fork and knife from her apron pocket?
JIM
[In a bored tone]
Oh yes, of course, how filthy. [Voice suddenly rises with excitement] Hey! Rose! I have something that I want to show you. Now don’t-
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
[leans forward in anticipation]
Ooo…. Like a surprise? Just for me?
JIM
Well, yes, sort of. But listen Rose, before I show you -
[Again cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
I have to promise to close my eyes and hold out my hands, right? Oh my gosh, you got me a car, didn‘t you? Wait, why would you get me a car? Jim, where are you getting all this money? How could you afford a car? But then again maybe it’s not a car, maybe its something like -
[JIM cuts ROSE off]
JIM
[Annoyed]
Rose! Rose! Rose! Listen! Don’t get too ahead of yourself! You don’t even know what I have to say! Do you promise you’ll listen now? Because I could walk away if you’re not ready.
ROSE
[Silent for a moment]
Jim? It’s rude to leave people without a two week notice. I don’t like rule breakers. But since I love you, I’ll just let you off with a lecture. Okay?
JIM
[Looks at ROSE, annoyed, for a moment and speaks slowly]
Rose? We’re adults here. You don’t need to lecture me. But do you promise to listen and to not interrupt?
ROSE
[Puts on an exaggerated irritated look]
Fine.
JIM
Okay! Now! Rose, I have something in my pocket. Normally, I wouldn’t show anybody this. Not a single person. There just aren’t any people that I trust. But I love you Rose. And I just need to know that you love me.
[ROSE starts to open her mouth as if to speak]
JIM
Rose! I wasn’t asking if you loved me. Not yet, anyways. Now, I know how you feel about the rules, and right and wrong, and sometimes you just love to open your mouth and comment on everybody else’s flaws, but for some reason, that doesn’t bother me. For some reason, I have no idea why, I love every single thing about you.
[Silence as the two stare at each other]
JIM
Rose? You can speak now, if you want.
ROSE
Oh Jim! You are the most caring man I have ever met! You just know so much about me! Most of the time I feel like we just completely understand each other and I know that we connect on just a whole different level. I trust you Jim. I love you.
JIM
Well, thank you Rose, that really means a lot. But, I won’t accept your feelings until I’m sure that you know all there is to know about me. Now, I’ve lived a good life and more importantly, I got to spend a lot of it with you. So if you decide to walk away, I’ll understand. Okay?
ROSE
I would never walk away from you. Well, okay, I would but that’s only because I do it every day when I’m leaving so I don’t know if you’d count that. But then-
[Cut off by JIM]
JIM
Rose! Okay, I didn’t mean it literally. But, I know your feelings will probably change once you hear what I have to say. [Exhales loudly and pulls a small box from his pocket] Okay, Rose, I brought this box with me today because of what’s inside. It’s- well- look.
[JIM opens the box and turns it toward ROSE. ROSE stares at the contents in shock]
JIM
Yes, Rose, that is a diamond ring. A real diamond ring. A twenty-four carat diamond ring. And, if it makes this any easier at all, I’m more than grateful to give it to you. With it, we can have anything and everything we always wanted. Together. Rose?
ROSE
[Still staring at the box with an open mouth. She has trouble speaking]
Th-that… y-you… a-are you?… it- it’s a-… J-Jim?
JIM
Rose, I’m ready for our lives to really begin. And believe me, I could die a happy man if you were to one day become my wife. But Rose, I am completely against asking for your hand while I hold secrets in my heart that I keep from you.
ROSE
[Has started to regain herself]
Wait- so you’ve been… lying to me?
JIM
Well… not exactly. I mean, it’s just that the question never came up so it’s not like I ever had to lie about it. But, I guess I have been lying by not telling you.
ROSE
[Is completely hurt]
But- Jim! I thought we understood each other! I thought we were honest with each other! Or do manners mean nothing to you? Oh my gosh I thought I loved you! I still love you! Oh Jim, I-
[Cut off by JIM]
JIM
Rose! I- you don’t even know how lucky I consider myself just because I’m with you. It kills me to know that I’ve been hiding something from you. But you don’t even know what I have to say!
ROSE
Okay! Then please tell me! Before it’s just too much!
JIM
[Takes a deep breath]
Rose, I did not buy that diamond ring. It’s not an heirloom, either. And I did not get it from one of my family members or friends. Rose, I stole that ring.
ROSE
[Astonished]
You what?
JIM
Rose, I stole that ring from a jewelry store and it’s not the only valuable item I’ve ever stolen.
ROSE
[Shouts]
Jim!
JIM
[Completely ignoring ROSE]
In fact, I’ve stolen over five hundred thousand dollars worth of jewels and other miscellaneous items.
ROSE
What?
JIM
Rose, I-I’m sorry. I got into it one summer with one of my old college buddies. I have a system. It’s actually pretty easy.
ROSE
How could you keep something like that from me?
JIM
Rose, think about it! You’re so- ‘Obey the law!’ And stealing is just so, not obeying the law!
ROSE
Well maybe I wanted to fall in love with everything you are! Even with your flaws! Even if it is completely immoral! Even if it took a few years and a few wrong men! But still, Jim! It’s… unbelievable.
JIM
[Ashamed]
I know, Rose. Believe me. I know. But please! Think about it Rose! Everything! I don’t want to lose you, and I know you don’t want to lose me!
ROSE
[Exhales loudly]
You’re right. You’re right Jim. I don’t want to lose you. And you’re right about the fact that we can’t get married while we hold secrets from each other.
JIM
Rose?
ROSE
Jim, I know how much of an annoying impression I give people. And you would not believe how astonished I was when you asked me out. I was truly… afraid.
JIM
You were afraid? Of me?
ROSE
I was. Because I was afraid that someone had discovered me.
JIM
Wait- what?
ROSE
I only act like a neurotic control freak to hide what I do at night. I really work for the biggest mob boss in town. I have stolen approximately seven million dollars worth of priceless artifacts, and I have sold them for unbelievable sums of money in the black market. I kept about three million dollars total from all my missions, all of which is stored in twenty different bank accounts, all under different names and in different cities.
JIM
[Staring at ROSE in complete shock]
Oh… my… god! You- I find that completely mystifying that you were able to pull all that off!
ROSE
Were able?
JIM
[Reaches into his pocket]
You know, Rose? You were right about one thing. Someone did discover you. And my real secret? I’m a cop.
[Play ends as ROSE watches in horror as JIM holds up a pair of handcuffs. Stage fades to black]
-------------------ALTERNATE ENDING----------------------------
ROSE
I was. Because I was afraid that someone had discovered me.
JIM
Wait- what?
ROSE
I only act like a neurotic control freak to hide what I do at night. I really work for the biggest mob boss in town. I have stolen approximately seven million dollars worth of priceless artifacts, and I have sold them for unbelievable sums of money in the black market. I kept about three million dollars total from all my missions, all of which is stored in twenty different bank accounts, all under different names and in different cities.
JIM
[Staring at ROSE in complete shock]
Oh… my… god! You- I find that completely mystifying that you are able to pull all that off without anyone knowing! You know, maybe one day we could be thieves together!
ROSE
[With a sly look]
Are you asking me to accept that diamond ring now?
JIM
[With a similar sly look]
No… I’m asking you to share all your things with me… and in return I might be willing to give my name to you.
ROSE
Then I guess I can’t refuse!
[Play ends as JIM slips the diamond ring on ROSE‘S finger. Stage fades to black]
****Did not feel like re-adding the italics and whatnot******
[We first see a man and a woman sitting at a small table at an outdoor café being helped by a waitress. A similar table with two chairs set up around it stands next to the couple’s table. A young woman enters the stage and hurriedly takes the seat closest to the couple at the empty table. She takes a bottle of hand sanitizer out of her purse. The waitress walks over as she is applying it to her hands.]
JUDY
[Takes a silverware set out of her apron and sets it on the table, along with a small menu. She is smiling brightly and talks in a chipper voice.]
Good afternoon M’am! Can I get you anything to-
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Um, excuse me, so sorry to interrupt, but um, did this [holds up silverware set] just come out of your pocket?
JUDY
Why, yes it did! Now, can I start you off with -
[Again cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Well Miss, I-I don’t think I like the way your café conducts it’s eating utensil transportation system. The Health Department will be notified! But, at the moment, I am waiting for my date. We shall need another set of silverware. Could you please, for his sake, bring a fork, knife, and spoon fresh from the dishwasher? Thank you.
JUDY
[The smile has faded from her face. She stares dumbly at ROSE for a few seconds. She flashes her smile before talking again in her chipper voice.]
Of course M’am! No problem! Now, what can I get you to drink?
ROSE
Um, I’ll just have a glass of filtered water. And please make sure that it is a clean glass with only water in it. I don’t trust ice cubes.
JUDY
[Writing on note pad]
One water.
ROSE
Filtered.
JUDY
One water filtered. Okay! I’ll be back in just a moment!
[The man and the woman at the next table have been chatting inaudibly to each other during the previous events. Their conversation becomes audible as the waitress walks away.]
GEORGE
Oh, Wendy, you are absolutely the most perfectly perfect, beautifully beautiful, kindest little person I have ever met! I love you, Wendy.
WENDY
Oh, George!
ROSE
[Turns around and cuts into GEORGE and WENDY’S conversation.]
Um, excuse me. I really hate to interrupt, but, I-I think this might be a little more of a romantic situation if you used correct grammar, sir.
WENDY
[Snobbishly]
Uh, I’m sorry, but we don’t -
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Perfectly perfect? Beautifully beautiful? Kindest little person? I’m sorry but that is all wrong. Why don’t you try saying something like, ‘My dearest Wendy. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are very kind. You are also very short. I love you.’ See? Correct grammar is lovely grammar.
[GEORGE is about to speak but is interrupted as JUDY returns with a glass of water and a silverware set, which she places on the table.]
JUDY
There you go, darling! Now, you said you had a date coming, right? Would you like me to come back once he gets here?
ROSE
[As she arranges the things on the table into a perfect table setting]
Oh yes, yes of course. But, um, Miss? Fix your hair. There’s just one odd strand by your left eye…
JUDY
[Feels her hair, which looks completely normal, but brushes her forehead anyways]
Oh, thanks. I’ll be back!
[JUDY leaves as GEORGE and WENDY’S conversation becomes audible once again.]
WENDY
My day? Oh goodness, it felt like forever! You know that new girl at my work, Jenny or something? I don’t know, I wouldn’t even bother learning her name with the way she’s been doing things here. She’ll be gone in like, two weeks at this rate.
GEORGE
Oh, okay. Go on.
WENDY
So anyways, today she was all like, [Changes her voice to an imitation] ‘Oh my gosh you guys, my boyfriend just texted me, and he’s gonna like, take me out for dinner! But I got to wait for him to text back because his boss was coming and he’s so not supposed to text at work! Isn’t that cute?’
GEORGE
Really.
WENDY
Yeah. So everyone’s just like, not liking her, so I went to her desk and her phone was just sitting right there, you know? So I just picked it up and -
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute! Did you just say that you stole her phone? Why would you do such a thing?
WENDY
[Annoyed]
Listen, lady, I don’t even know you! My boyfriend doesn’t either so could you just, like, I don’t know, leave us alone?
ROSE
[Gasps]
You dare to raise your voice at me? Some people are just extremely annoying! I’ll have you know that stealing is against the law, and shouting in a public place is against the rules of etiquette! Humph!
[Just then, JIM enters the stage and hurries to ROSE’S table. JIM hugs ROSE, then proceeds to take his seat. GEORGE and WENDY resume talking inaudibly]
JIM
Rose! My sweet! How have you been today?
ROSE
Oh my goodness, Jim, you would not believe the nerve of some people! I mean, can you believe that our waitress tried to give me a fork and knife from her apron pocket?
JIM
[In a bored tone]
Oh yes, of course, how filthy. [Voice suddenly rises with excitement] Hey! Rose! I have something that I want to show you. Now don’t-
[Cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
[leans forward in anticipation]
Ooo…. Like a surprise? Just for me?
JIM
Well, yes, sort of. But listen Rose, before I show you -
[Again cut off by ROSE]
ROSE
I have to promise to close my eyes and hold out my hands, right? Oh my gosh, you got me a car, didn‘t you? Wait, why would you get me a car? Jim, where are you getting all this money? How could you afford a car? But then again maybe it’s not a car, maybe its something like -
[JIM cuts ROSE off]
JIM
[Annoyed]
Rose! Rose! Rose! Listen! Don’t get too ahead of yourself! You don’t even know what I have to say! Do you promise you’ll listen now? Because I could walk away if you’re not ready.
ROSE
[Silent for a moment]
Jim? It’s rude to leave people without a two week notice. I don’t like rule breakers. But since I love you, I’ll just let you off with a lecture. Okay?
JIM
[Looks at ROSE, annoyed, for a moment and speaks slowly]
Rose? We’re adults here. You don’t need to lecture me. But do you promise to listen and to not interrupt?
ROSE
[Puts on an exaggerated irritated look]
Fine.
JIM
Okay! Now! Rose, I have something in my pocket. Normally, I wouldn’t show anybody this. Not a single person. There just aren’t any people that I trust. But I love you Rose. And I just need to know that you love me.
[ROSE starts to open her mouth as if to speak]
JIM
Rose! I wasn’t asking if you loved me. Not yet, anyways. Now, I know how you feel about the rules, and right and wrong, and sometimes you just love to open your mouth and comment on everybody else’s flaws, but for some reason, that doesn’t bother me. For some reason, I have no idea why, I love every single thing about you.
[Silence as the two stare at each other]
JIM
Rose? You can speak now, if you want.
ROSE
Oh Jim! You are the most caring man I have ever met! You just know so much about me! Most of the time I feel like we just completely understand each other and I know that we connect on just a whole different level. I trust you Jim. I love you.
JIM
Well, thank you Rose, that really means a lot. But, I won’t accept your feelings until I’m sure that you know all there is to know about me. Now, I’ve lived a good life and more importantly, I got to spend a lot of it with you. So if you decide to walk away, I’ll understand. Okay?
ROSE
I would never walk away from you. Well, okay, I would but that’s only because I do it every day when I’m leaving so I don’t know if you’d count that. But then-
[Cut off by JIM]
JIM
Rose! Okay, I didn’t mean it literally. But, I know your feelings will probably change once you hear what I have to say. [Exhales loudly and pulls a small box from his pocket] Okay, Rose, I brought this box with me today because of what’s inside. It’s- well- look.
[JIM opens the box and turns it toward ROSE. ROSE stares at the contents in shock]
JIM
Yes, Rose, that is a diamond ring. A real diamond ring. A twenty-four carat diamond ring. And, if it makes this any easier at all, I’m more than grateful to give it to you. With it, we can have anything and everything we always wanted. Together. Rose?
ROSE
[Still staring at the box with an open mouth. She has trouble speaking]
Th-that… y-you… a-are you?… it- it’s a-… J-Jim?
JIM
Rose, I’m ready for our lives to really begin. And believe me, I could die a happy man if you were to one day become my wife. But Rose, I am completely against asking for your hand while I hold secrets in my heart that I keep from you.
ROSE
[Has started to regain herself]
Wait- so you’ve been… lying to me?
JIM
Well… not exactly. I mean, it’s just that the question never came up so it’s not like I ever had to lie about it. But, I guess I have been lying by not telling you.
ROSE
[Is completely hurt]
But- Jim! I thought we understood each other! I thought we were honest with each other! Or do manners mean nothing to you? Oh my gosh I thought I loved you! I still love you! Oh Jim, I-
[Cut off by JIM]
JIM
Rose! I- you don’t even know how lucky I consider myself just because I’m with you. It kills me to know that I’ve been hiding something from you. But you don’t even know what I have to say!
ROSE
Okay! Then please tell me! Before it’s just too much!
JIM
[Takes a deep breath]
Rose, I did not buy that diamond ring. It’s not an heirloom, either. And I did not get it from one of my family members or friends. Rose, I stole that ring.
ROSE
[Astonished]
You what?
JIM
Rose, I stole that ring from a jewelry store and it’s not the only valuable item I’ve ever stolen.
ROSE
[Shouts]
Jim!
JIM
[Completely ignoring ROSE]
In fact, I’ve stolen over five hundred thousand dollars worth of jewels and other miscellaneous items.
ROSE
What?
JIM
Rose, I-I’m sorry. I got into it one summer with one of my old college buddies. I have a system. It’s actually pretty easy.
ROSE
How could you keep something like that from me?
JIM
Rose, think about it! You’re so- ‘Obey the law!’ And stealing is just so, not obeying the law!
ROSE
Well maybe I wanted to fall in love with everything you are! Even with your flaws! Even if it is completely immoral! Even if it took a few years and a few wrong men! But still, Jim! It’s… unbelievable.
JIM
[Ashamed]
I know, Rose. Believe me. I know. But please! Think about it Rose! Everything! I don’t want to lose you, and I know you don’t want to lose me!
ROSE
[Exhales loudly]
You’re right. You’re right Jim. I don’t want to lose you. And you’re right about the fact that we can’t get married while we hold secrets from each other.
JIM
Rose?
ROSE
Jim, I know how much of an annoying impression I give people. And you would not believe how astonished I was when you asked me out. I was truly… afraid.
JIM
You were afraid? Of me?
ROSE
I was. Because I was afraid that someone had discovered me.
JIM
Wait- what?
ROSE
I only act like a neurotic control freak to hide what I do at night. I really work for the biggest mob boss in town. I have stolen approximately seven million dollars worth of priceless artifacts, and I have sold them for unbelievable sums of money in the black market. I kept about three million dollars total from all my missions, all of which is stored in twenty different bank accounts, all under different names and in different cities.
JIM
[Staring at ROSE in complete shock]
Oh… my… god! You- I find that completely mystifying that you were able to pull all that off!
ROSE
Were able?
JIM
[Reaches into his pocket]
You know, Rose? You were right about one thing. Someone did discover you. And my real secret? I’m a cop.
[Play ends as ROSE watches in horror as JIM holds up a pair of handcuffs. Stage fades to black]
-------------------ALTERNATE ENDING----------------------------
ROSE
I was. Because I was afraid that someone had discovered me.
JIM
Wait- what?
ROSE
I only act like a neurotic control freak to hide what I do at night. I really work for the biggest mob boss in town. I have stolen approximately seven million dollars worth of priceless artifacts, and I have sold them for unbelievable sums of money in the black market. I kept about three million dollars total from all my missions, all of which is stored in twenty different bank accounts, all under different names and in different cities.
JIM
[Staring at ROSE in complete shock]
Oh… my… god! You- I find that completely mystifying that you are able to pull all that off without anyone knowing! You know, maybe one day we could be thieves together!
ROSE
[With a sly look]
Are you asking me to accept that diamond ring now?
JIM
[With a similar sly look]
No… I’m asking you to share all your things with me… and in return I might be willing to give my name to you.
ROSE
Then I guess I can’t refuse!
[Play ends as JIM slips the diamond ring on ROSE‘S finger. Stage fades to black]
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